Access Denied.
If I could stop you from peeking
dearest,
into the dog eared pages
and the stained words
I would have already turned the page
on you-
disaster.
**
I feel like all my evenings have suddenly gone quiet- but the reality is not so. I still end up being awake at ungodly hours reeling from existence- also known as, '101 ways to procrastinate instead of getting around to doing your assignments: and then some'. There is not one thing I hate more than having to get down to work, but that's a gripe common to every student.
Again, I suck at updating.
I'm looking forward to the holiday because of some stellar travel plans in the pipeline. Not forgetting that I'm going to go back to training soon (no shooting makes for itchy hands- and also murderous tendencies) so that I can prepare for the competition in June. Other than playing copious amounts of Star Wars the Living Card game (thank you, and then no thank you to my board / card game buddies who are slowly dragging me to this pit), and spending more time with other people around hall, it's been a good, mostly quiet month.
There are heavier thoughts that weigh on my mind though, I've been going through a few rough patches with people I care about, and it's made me think a lot about how human relationships are so fickle. How consumed we all are by our own intentions and thoughts that at times having to deal with another person could be sheer agony, because the clocks all tick off time. Some of us spend time desperately trying to attune ourselves with others, some of us just walk away. It's perplexing how time and experience mean nothing between two people when things have soured beyond the point of reasonable return, and there's just a cavity.
It could all be so deeply empty.
When it comes to the people, I think after some point in this existence I started to go along with it by faith. Perhaps it's faith in the fact that the people around me wouldn't trivialize friendship and the kind of understanding we have formed. I understand fully that I have flaws, but don't we all. And perhaps the failure is what connects us, that we are prone to fallacy, that in the end I see it in myself the capacity to accept it all and run with it.
Friendship could be a shot in the dark, for all I know. I could hit the target or lose and arrow. Who knows?
I've come to love the people around me. Maybe because I feel they'll teach me more about myself than I ever could. Maybe because they have the capacity to teach me things about life and forgiveness. Because they've already given me such great support when my mind muddled itself in the throes of emotion.
So much for a light hearted post, I guess. But either way, perhaps this served as a good reflection.
**
Disaster, you may be.
But I've already braved
the cuts and the cold
and the swash of the sea.
Like a siren
call out to me.
I wouldn't turn from you, anyway.
dearest,
into the dog eared pages
and the stained words
I would have already turned the page
on you-
disaster.
**
I feel like all my evenings have suddenly gone quiet- but the reality is not so. I still end up being awake at ungodly hours reeling from existence- also known as, '101 ways to procrastinate instead of getting around to doing your assignments: and then some'. There is not one thing I hate more than having to get down to work, but that's a gripe common to every student.
Again, I suck at updating.
I'm looking forward to the holiday because of some stellar travel plans in the pipeline. Not forgetting that I'm going to go back to training soon (no shooting makes for itchy hands- and also murderous tendencies) so that I can prepare for the competition in June. Other than playing copious amounts of Star Wars the Living Card game (thank you, and then no thank you to my board / card game buddies who are slowly dragging me to this pit), and spending more time with other people around hall, it's been a good, mostly quiet month.
There are heavier thoughts that weigh on my mind though, I've been going through a few rough patches with people I care about, and it's made me think a lot about how human relationships are so fickle. How consumed we all are by our own intentions and thoughts that at times having to deal with another person could be sheer agony, because the clocks all tick off time. Some of us spend time desperately trying to attune ourselves with others, some of us just walk away. It's perplexing how time and experience mean nothing between two people when things have soured beyond the point of reasonable return, and there's just a cavity.
It could all be so deeply empty.
When it comes to the people, I think after some point in this existence I started to go along with it by faith. Perhaps it's faith in the fact that the people around me wouldn't trivialize friendship and the kind of understanding we have formed. I understand fully that I have flaws, but don't we all. And perhaps the failure is what connects us, that we are prone to fallacy, that in the end I see it in myself the capacity to accept it all and run with it.
Friendship could be a shot in the dark, for all I know. I could hit the target or lose and arrow. Who knows?
I've come to love the people around me. Maybe because I feel they'll teach me more about myself than I ever could. Maybe because they have the capacity to teach me things about life and forgiveness. Because they've already given me such great support when my mind muddled itself in the throes of emotion.
So much for a light hearted post, I guess. But either way, perhaps this served as a good reflection.
**
Disaster, you may be.
But I've already braved
the cuts and the cold
and the swash of the sea.
Like a siren
call out to me.
I wouldn't turn from you, anyway.
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