Peony.

Trapped in a dreamland, 

sometimes these delusions 
can be better than 

the sting from these deep seated poisons. 
it'll take root soon, 

these mistakes made for later. 

**

I've done absolutely nothing with my holiday thus far and it's going to get very busy very quickly. This weekend has been a complete disaster to say the least- I am thoroughly sleep deprived by being at home, which by right should be the place that I sleep the best. Alas, either my body clock hates me or the people in the house do, and I've been waking up at 7-8am, irregardless of the time I slept the night before.

You know some people are morning people or night people? I've yet to figure out which of the two I am, because I can sleep at 5.30 in the morning and still wake up at 8 on the dot. Either my body really loves being punctual or it hates me too. And by some amazing power- I managed to go the whole day on about two to three hours of sleep with no side effects.

If only this could happen when I wanted to study really hard.

There are a lot of nonsense thoughts that have been running at the back of my mind but I suppose I've been learning to shut them out better with more involvement in my sport and in trying to find work. It's my first 3 month holiday, and I wanted to push it to the fullest- and by that I mean I wanted to quite literally amass as many interesting experiences as possible while I'm on break. There's not a lot of twenty-something in me but a lot of twenty-something things that I want to do before I graduate. I'm not talking about things like going sky-diving or bungee-jumping or anything extreme, no-

I haven't walked barefoot on sand at a beach before. Let that sink in.

Whatever weird amalgamation of person I am today is half my fault and I suppose half the fault of my paranoid parents who basically didn't let me do anything that was "common" for people of my age. No, according to my father, there are only so many things you have to experience in life before you should just stop. Thanks dad, absolutely no thanks. There is so much world out there to explore, and I haven't even stepped on sand yet and experienced that. I literally need to get out there and do things- and perhaps fight with my parents over it. Yes, even up to this point, they still don't think walking on sand is an OK thing to do. I'm going to live my life deprived of basic experiences unless I learn to start fighting harder to go out there and get things done.

Therefore the creation of a bucket list.

I've had a bucket list on this blog for years (if you've ever navigated around a little more, you'll see it) and perhaps this would be a good time to update it once more. After all, being stagnant is no fun- and I'd like to adjust it to things that are slightly more achievable. While the school year has been fun I suppose this time away is good for healing and recharging, so as much as I want to see all of my friends. The people I've met this year have been phenomenal, and I love (most) of them. (Okay almost all with the exception of like one or two people, anyone's guess who they are, right?)

I wonder how this holiday will pan out.

I wonder.