Hesitation

I fear so much the sting of rejection that I

shy away from situations and people who 

threaten

to upset my balance-

of not intruding upon their space or being

or that perhaps I am being too much, 

I second guess myself for lack, perhaps-

of better 

and much needed confidence that they could still,

at the end of all this, 

love me just the same. 

I keep telling myself that the bar must be set lower

to accommodate the gradual change 

between us and all this noise and space-

but I punish myself constantly for 

doubting 

what I can only hope to be the gospel truth

a promise of salvation from fear 

spun of my own skin and fragility, surely, 

for nothing else could cripple a person quite this way.

But I fear you, too, 

fear that you are here by guilt not choice

by duty not by love that 

perhaps I am making a mistake by believing in you, too. 

My mind becomes so loud when

it's all empty with my own disappointment. 

Dwelling on the positive, I posit, has

never been my strong point.

And I probably have said that more than once.