Rush
Not like the slow burn I'm used to, where I'm sore, and its been two-and-a-half hours standing under the sun that's beating down my back, rolling off stiff shoulders and the ghosts of old injuries.
It's hands on, eyes locked, my fingers gripped tight, go.
I don't know what it is about doing BJJ here that has been so appealing. Maybe its the perpetual cool weather that doesn't make me feel like wet, stinky rag. Maybe my breath doesn't catch as fast on the dry, cool air. Maybe I'm also incredibly bored and happy to be spending my time doing something that, in my perspective, isn't drinking, partying, or wasting my money. Every time I get on the mat the awful, heart-pounding goes away. I'm here to learn, and I will learn something.
I am not stagnating.
Perhaps its a lack of training or good company that's made Archery a chore. Or maybe I'm already sick of it, which is not abnormal for a person such as myself, needy for variety. Maybe its the negativity and the expectation, or the fact that in the last year I haven't been able to rationalise grinding under the sun for 3 hours a day and seeing no improvement. It always only ever gets worse.
But really, enough about that. I'm still excited to get back on the shooting line once I'm home.
Today was different. I haven't rolled in what must be an age and a half, and I turned up (like a fool) for the intermediate class, where I drilled a little before going into rolls. I remember why I enjoy BJJ, beyond my greatly increased flexibility. Its the rush of the roll. The spar. The driving your body into someone else's and going, shit, this isn't all about strength. It's about feeling. And so you push on, feeling for balance, trying to anticipate, mental chess.
If you're not a good chess player (like I am not), then this is usually a struggle. But I went, spirit screaming out of excitement and fear.
What a rush. It's been so long.
I have learned so much in the 5 sessions I put myself through this week. I continue to be excited for what more I can do next week. My body aches, gets stiff from the cold, but I tell myself once I get on the mat it won't hurt anymore. And it doesn't, it never does. My boyfriend's passion is not like my own, but this has been an experience in my journey.
Who knows where these grinds will go from here? Who knows?
It's hands on, eyes locked, my fingers gripped tight, go.
I don't know what it is about doing BJJ here that has been so appealing. Maybe its the perpetual cool weather that doesn't make me feel like wet, stinky rag. Maybe my breath doesn't catch as fast on the dry, cool air. Maybe I'm also incredibly bored and happy to be spending my time doing something that, in my perspective, isn't drinking, partying, or wasting my money. Every time I get on the mat the awful, heart-pounding goes away. I'm here to learn, and I will learn something.
I am not stagnating.
Perhaps its a lack of training or good company that's made Archery a chore. Or maybe I'm already sick of it, which is not abnormal for a person such as myself, needy for variety. Maybe its the negativity and the expectation, or the fact that in the last year I haven't been able to rationalise grinding under the sun for 3 hours a day and seeing no improvement. It always only ever gets worse.
But really, enough about that. I'm still excited to get back on the shooting line once I'm home.
Today was different. I haven't rolled in what must be an age and a half, and I turned up (like a fool) for the intermediate class, where I drilled a little before going into rolls. I remember why I enjoy BJJ, beyond my greatly increased flexibility. Its the rush of the roll. The spar. The driving your body into someone else's and going, shit, this isn't all about strength. It's about feeling. And so you push on, feeling for balance, trying to anticipate, mental chess.
If you're not a good chess player (like I am not), then this is usually a struggle. But I went, spirit screaming out of excitement and fear.
What a rush. It's been so long.
I have learned so much in the 5 sessions I put myself through this week. I continue to be excited for what more I can do next week. My body aches, gets stiff from the cold, but I tell myself once I get on the mat it won't hurt anymore. And it doesn't, it never does. My boyfriend's passion is not like my own, but this has been an experience in my journey.
Who knows where these grinds will go from here? Who knows?
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