In the Pursuit of Normalcy.
To be normal- really, what is it to be normal? And honestly- what would it take for one to be liked.
I've hit a point in the road that's already unpleasantly bumpy, though I do not intend it, and I don't know why- I get along fine with just everybody that I meet, people find me outgoing and different and really quite pleasant. I'm a little weird, rough around the edges, and I do a lot of crazy things, but they are cool with it.
Everyone but the people I'm in class with.
In a class of 21 I am the 1. The one who sat, miserable, in the corner of the class alone today. Not by choice, somewhat by coincidence, and was left. In the quiet corner, that top left-hand desk, on my own. Sat through an hour of math like that and no one said anything, no one did anything. I can't even find a group of people who look remotely happy to have me around them or sitting with them for breaks. I'm alone. Then again, I'm not surprised- I am neither easy to work with or easily understandable. I have probably done what I know I can do to try and get along with them, to try and fit. I don't want to be fit. I want to be me.
It's misery that I'm used to.
I can't imagine how I went almost a year sitting alone in class in Secondary 2. No, I can't remember how I did it, or why, but I'm going to keep trying my best to find some people who seem happy to have me around and don't find me clingy. I did my campaigning today, and finally met all the Council Candidates! Met some nice people like X, C and that girl who's name I forgot with this lovely accent (I'm sorry!). Ran around trying to get votes with J and had a lot of fun in General. It made my day better.
Damnit, I even forgot about how depressed I was sitting alone in that math period just by having some fun later in the day! :) I guess I'm happy? I guess.
Either way, I even saw my OG mates, a blessing I tell you about how nice they are and how F just sat me down and let me grumble and whine about what happened. Saw QT and talked to him too, all very supportive and I'm so comfortable with them. :( I saw B (great another B seriously sigh okay BN) and talked to him and he's uber supportive and like THANKS BRO :) And yeah hugs make me feel better, YES I'M A KINDA-TOUCHY-PERSON sue me I'm used to getting hugs when I feel down. Sat with LF, WY and P during chinese lecture and giggled away! :) So glad to have my OG mates.
Looking on my day in retrospect, now, typing it out, I feel a lot better. I realize that today was made awesome by people like KJ Who puts up with my Man-Boob jokes (I REALLY DON'T MEAN IT KAY? :c I really heart you for putting up with me!) and JY (heehee alamak are you G-dragon or T.O.P?) and all the people in council who have been so nice. I seriously think though this entire slog about trying to find people I will get along with in my class won't last too long.
Big ups to my Bro V today who was so nice and got his skeptical buddies to listen to my rambling :') and all the people who have been so sweet and kind to me thank you. Thanks for the support from the gorgeous wonderful BF who has been encouraging me the whole day though I've been griping like crazy.
What would I do without you people, really? :)
xoxo
I've hit a point in the road that's already unpleasantly bumpy, though I do not intend it, and I don't know why- I get along fine with just everybody that I meet, people find me outgoing and different and really quite pleasant. I'm a little weird, rough around the edges, and I do a lot of crazy things, but they are cool with it.
Everyone but the people I'm in class with.
In a class of 21 I am the 1. The one who sat, miserable, in the corner of the class alone today. Not by choice, somewhat by coincidence, and was left. In the quiet corner, that top left-hand desk, on my own. Sat through an hour of math like that and no one said anything, no one did anything. I can't even find a group of people who look remotely happy to have me around them or sitting with them for breaks. I'm alone. Then again, I'm not surprised- I am neither easy to work with or easily understandable. I have probably done what I know I can do to try and get along with them, to try and fit. I don't want to be fit. I want to be me.
It's misery that I'm used to.
I can't imagine how I went almost a year sitting alone in class in Secondary 2. No, I can't remember how I did it, or why, but I'm going to keep trying my best to find some people who seem happy to have me around and don't find me clingy. I did my campaigning today, and finally met all the Council Candidates! Met some nice people like X, C and that girl who's name I forgot with this lovely accent (I'm sorry!). Ran around trying to get votes with J and had a lot of fun in General. It made my day better.
Damnit, I even forgot about how depressed I was sitting alone in that math period just by having some fun later in the day! :) I guess I'm happy? I guess.
Either way, I even saw my OG mates, a blessing I tell you about how nice they are and how F just sat me down and let me grumble and whine about what happened. Saw QT and talked to him too, all very supportive and I'm so comfortable with them. :( I saw B (great another B seriously sigh okay BN) and talked to him and he's uber supportive and like THANKS BRO :) And yeah hugs make me feel better, YES I'M A KINDA-TOUCHY-PERSON sue me I'm used to getting hugs when I feel down. Sat with LF, WY and P during chinese lecture and giggled away! :) So glad to have my OG mates.
Looking on my day in retrospect, now, typing it out, I feel a lot better. I realize that today was made awesome by people like KJ Who puts up with my Man-Boob jokes (I REALLY DON'T MEAN IT KAY? :c I really heart you for putting up with me!) and JY (heehee alamak are you G-dragon or T.O.P?) and all the people in council who have been so nice. I seriously think though this entire slog about trying to find people I will get along with in my class won't last too long.
Big ups to my Bro V today who was so nice and got his skeptical buddies to listen to my rambling :') and all the people who have been so sweet and kind to me thank you. Thanks for the support from the gorgeous wonderful BF who has been encouraging me the whole day though I've been griping like crazy.
What would I do without you people, really? :)
xoxo
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