Everything.
I bothered scrolling an entire 9 months back, with not a blip of feeling, no hate, no questions. Just scrolling.
And I wondered if maybe you still read this, if maybe you still kept up with this. Whether for curiosity or spite, I wondered if maybe you did, and maybe you do. Then again, you have no reason to.
But in case you do read this, know I've forgiven you. And maybe, by a stroke of luck, you've forgiven me too.
I'm better now, and I've got all my puzzle pieces in the right places.
And I hope you do, too.
Well I had time recently, everyone- I decided to spark off a code blue in the hospital.
Code Blue = Cardiac Arrest.
Let's just say, Me + No eating for almost 12 hours is not a bright thing, then to take 8 vials of blood inbetween- I mean, I didn't even drink water. So like I probably dehydrated myself and ended up fainting very badly outside the clinic, lucky thing my mom was with me and it was a thoroughly horrid experience. It's like- my body was asleep. Dead. Couldn't move or control anything, and the weight of it all was crashing atop my head, washing over my head and I was just losing it bit by bit. It was painful and I was struggling to tell myself to stay awake, and yet telling myself that I ought to just let go because fainting feels better than being in a semi-conscious state. My writing style may be very sporadic today, because I'm on my first day of medical steroids for my eye, and I'm suffering very bad side-effects from needing to take them.
If it's of any interest to anyone, the reason why the hospital went into panic is because my Blood Pressure dropped and my head started slowing down. Let's just say, I had a really bad reaction, and ended up warded for two days with a gross drip in the side of my hand, and now I have a bruise and a little scabby hole in the region- not too pleasant. Then a couple of days after my fiasco, I get a call from the clinic that one of the vials has clotted and I'll need to take another blood test, which happened yesterday. At least this time, I didn't faint, and I don't think I'm too afraid of needles anymore, after being stabbed in various parts of my arm over 4 days.
The good news, however, is that this blood test was entirely comprehensive- I won't bore you with the details, but whatever results have come out so far have indicated general health, aside from the inflammation that is being registered in my blood quite significantly. My auto immune tests, however, have not come back yet. Oh, did I mention I have very convenient Hepatitis B Antibodies? No jabs for me to get those! (Yippee!)
We've had our struggles of late. And you know my insecurities build up and tumult into something I am, alone, unable to control. I thank you, always, for soothing me and being there for me even when it seems like I don't need you, or I pretend I can do without your support. Because I do.
And I thank you every day for the goodness you've given me.
Met a very old bro of mine recently, received the most fantastic news from him (YOU GO, K) and it's going to be awesome and amazing and a whole load of other things. I can't wait to hear more about whats happening, but our short chat over cinnamon rolls and frappes was fun and enjoyable. it's nice to see people who care about you and are genuine people who have gone beyond the call of duty to reach out and be more than just what society has called them to be, and how I , because of him, have not given up hope on the idiots I deal with today. Because of him I know there'll be at least 40 people each year who have a something more than the ordinary, and that there are going to be people who will remember to have a heart of gold, that you have imparted to them.
I'll make a trip home soon, K, I promise.
xoxo
And I wondered if maybe you still read this, if maybe you still kept up with this. Whether for curiosity or spite, I wondered if maybe you did, and maybe you do. Then again, you have no reason to.
But in case you do read this, know I've forgiven you. And maybe, by a stroke of luck, you've forgiven me too.
I'm better now, and I've got all my puzzle pieces in the right places.
And I hope you do, too.
Well I had time recently, everyone- I decided to spark off a code blue in the hospital.
Code Blue = Cardiac Arrest.
Let's just say, Me + No eating for almost 12 hours is not a bright thing, then to take 8 vials of blood inbetween- I mean, I didn't even drink water. So like I probably dehydrated myself and ended up fainting very badly outside the clinic, lucky thing my mom was with me and it was a thoroughly horrid experience. It's like- my body was asleep. Dead. Couldn't move or control anything, and the weight of it all was crashing atop my head, washing over my head and I was just losing it bit by bit. It was painful and I was struggling to tell myself to stay awake, and yet telling myself that I ought to just let go because fainting feels better than being in a semi-conscious state. My writing style may be very sporadic today, because I'm on my first day of medical steroids for my eye, and I'm suffering very bad side-effects from needing to take them.
If it's of any interest to anyone, the reason why the hospital went into panic is because my Blood Pressure dropped and my head started slowing down. Let's just say, I had a really bad reaction, and ended up warded for two days with a gross drip in the side of my hand, and now I have a bruise and a little scabby hole in the region- not too pleasant. Then a couple of days after my fiasco, I get a call from the clinic that one of the vials has clotted and I'll need to take another blood test, which happened yesterday. At least this time, I didn't faint, and I don't think I'm too afraid of needles anymore, after being stabbed in various parts of my arm over 4 days.
The good news, however, is that this blood test was entirely comprehensive- I won't bore you with the details, but whatever results have come out so far have indicated general health, aside from the inflammation that is being registered in my blood quite significantly. My auto immune tests, however, have not come back yet. Oh, did I mention I have very convenient Hepatitis B Antibodies? No jabs for me to get those! (Yippee!)
We've had our struggles of late. And you know my insecurities build up and tumult into something I am, alone, unable to control. I thank you, always, for soothing me and being there for me even when it seems like I don't need you, or I pretend I can do without your support. Because I do.
And I thank you every day for the goodness you've given me.
Met a very old bro of mine recently, received the most fantastic news from him (YOU GO, K) and it's going to be awesome and amazing and a whole load of other things. I can't wait to hear more about whats happening, but our short chat over cinnamon rolls and frappes was fun and enjoyable. it's nice to see people who care about you and are genuine people who have gone beyond the call of duty to reach out and be more than just what society has called them to be, and how I , because of him, have not given up hope on the idiots I deal with today. Because of him I know there'll be at least 40 people each year who have a something more than the ordinary, and that there are going to be people who will remember to have a heart of gold, that you have imparted to them.
I'll make a trip home soon, K, I promise.
xoxo
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