Perspective.
I found myself incredibly sobered that
all I had weathered through life
made me see things in one perspective,
no matter how much I had attempted to diversify it-
I loaded myself with people,
with experiences,
with different walks at different places,
and yet in all that
I had gained absolutely nothing-
maybe a mirage that the way I saw the world
had become different.
**
If you stick around to fight in this world long enough you are told that working hard should produce results. That doing so should show that "hard work pays off" and you will, sooner or later, get the gratification of your labours. You will see results appear, as long as you stay focused and remain patient, that you can and eventually will find yourself in a place of excellence.
If you've stuck around long enough, you would also know that sometimes, or more often than any of us care to admit it- this statement is complete bullshit.
I am by no means a sour grape or someone who is about to just stop doing her work or training simply because I find my belief in the statement completely and utterly broken, but it comes as the aftermath of being told that I am so focused on trying to get something right that I have basically forgotten how to enjoy it. According to my higher authority on the matter- I'm trying to "study" how to shoot well, and if you don't already know this, I am literally the shittiest chronic overthinker- and I hesitate to do things because of it. I become so focused on trying to excel that I completely ignore the process, and in fits of panic and nerves, I underperform.
I don't know how to shake this perspective,
or how to just relax and not think (for a change).
It feels like every day I'm in the process of constant calculation, considering and thinking and playing with numbers and possibility and trying so hard to grab the best possible situation out of everything that could conspire. You would think, perhaps, that I don't think much (considering the stupidity I occasionally get myself mired in, this wouldn't be too surprising) but I do think, too much.
Perhaps this is the result of constantly asking yourself what if. An infinite number of what if's and then the frustration and disappointment that follows. I wish I knew how to let go of the things that weigh my mind and my progress down. The desperation to perform should't colour everything that I do, should it.
all I had weathered through life
made me see things in one perspective,
no matter how much I had attempted to diversify it-
I loaded myself with people,
with experiences,
with different walks at different places,
and yet in all that
I had gained absolutely nothing-
maybe a mirage that the way I saw the world
had become different.
**
If you stick around to fight in this world long enough you are told that working hard should produce results. That doing so should show that "hard work pays off" and you will, sooner or later, get the gratification of your labours. You will see results appear, as long as you stay focused and remain patient, that you can and eventually will find yourself in a place of excellence.
If you've stuck around long enough, you would also know that sometimes, or more often than any of us care to admit it- this statement is complete bullshit.
I am by no means a sour grape or someone who is about to just stop doing her work or training simply because I find my belief in the statement completely and utterly broken, but it comes as the aftermath of being told that I am so focused on trying to get something right that I have basically forgotten how to enjoy it. According to my higher authority on the matter- I'm trying to "study" how to shoot well, and if you don't already know this, I am literally the shittiest chronic overthinker- and I hesitate to do things because of it. I become so focused on trying to excel that I completely ignore the process, and in fits of panic and nerves, I underperform.
I don't know how to shake this perspective,
or how to just relax and not think (for a change).
It feels like every day I'm in the process of constant calculation, considering and thinking and playing with numbers and possibility and trying so hard to grab the best possible situation out of everything that could conspire. You would think, perhaps, that I don't think much (considering the stupidity I occasionally get myself mired in, this wouldn't be too surprising) but I do think, too much.
Perhaps this is the result of constantly asking yourself what if. An infinite number of what if's and then the frustration and disappointment that follows. I wish I knew how to let go of the things that weigh my mind and my progress down. The desperation to perform should't colour everything that I do, should it.
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