Cancer.

It takes away everything I know and love. 

Watching him convulse. 

His hair isn't even immaculate, as it always is- 

He's pale. Everything is out of place. Everything is truly out of place. He stares into blank space, recovering from a bout of nausea. 

And I can't watch it. 

Hearing him say that it was so difficult, hearing him say it was so painful. Hearing his voice weak and just seeing him suddenly so frail, a shadow of himself. 

Seeing his face screwed up in pain and discomfort. The sounds of a choking, spluttering, discomfort. 

I stand outside and I take a moment to cry. 

He's watched me from my first steps, taught me how to ride my bike, then my bike without wheels- 

He's cut countless amount of apples and oranges for me, he taught me how to use a knife, he bought me little cakes, like a celebration of all my little accomplishes in life. 

I don't even know where to begin to talk about what he has done for me, and all that I stand to lose. 

I don't think I can watch him wither. 

Can't I preserve what I see in my mind's eye forever? 

I want "Hope" tattooed over my heart. So I don't give up now. So I don't give up ever. 

Don't leave me yet. 

Please don't.